Category: Advice

Advice

3 things that trigger your Inner Critic Voice

Gabrielle

RESENTMENT, REJECTION, REGRET

Fear of Rejection can cause a person to fail even before they start something, influencing them for most of their lives. Self sabotage plays out with the search to belong, to be loved, find approval in career etc.

Resentment can transmute into a grudge, because the program still serves a purpose in keeping the person safe from being hurt. Every person in our life serves us in some way, and even resistance to them can motivate us.

Regret keeps us living in the past, feeling lonely, not telling someone you love them, failed relationships, and can make us very ill.

Your Inner Critic spends a lot of time on these three issues! It’s like an addiction and they just can’t stop adding more story to maintain the emotion. So if your brain cells are used to feeling depressed, the neural pathways will create depression, the same for any other responses.

With proper stimuli, our brain makes new connections all the time. It is possible to shut down receptors for negative programming and re-train the neuron receptors to create new positive connections.

You can teach the subconscious what it feels like to live without the negative, and what it feels like to live with the positive.                      

Your Inner Champion can help challenge and replace the old beliefs that hold these responses. With more awareness and acceptance, you can be nurtured by supportive, loving encouragement. For example:

I am rejected by Z (person/situation). Replace with I accept myself.          

I know what it feels like to live without being rejected.

I resent (Z). Replace with I release resentment, and I understand what it feels like to live without resentment.

I regret (situation). Replace with I am free of regret, and I understand what it feels like to live without regret.

When we are able to meet our basic needs…to belong, to feel empowered, enjoy freedom and fun, then we reduce the internal Tug of War and find a deeper sense of happiness and contentment. And YES, it is a life-time job!

Find out about your own Inner Critcs – take the quiz here CLICK HERE

Advice

How To Tame Your Inner Critic Instantly

Gabrielle

OMG!

I have all Seven Inner Critics!

Did you feel a little like that when you completed the quiz? There are times and situations when some will be louder than others.

However, we ARE multi-dimensional beings. The more you learn about your personality, your ego, your default patterns, the more empowered you can become, and recognize more of YOU underneath all that noise.

Here’s a little exercise to develop some SELF AWARENESS.

Be curious, Be an observer. This is to gather information only, no self blaming okay?

IMAGINE you are acting out a role on the “stage of life.” Pick one.(It could be anything, eg employer, employee, a family role, an accident of some sort, an time issue, relationship…) You might even be re-running a recent incident or interaction.

OBSERVE the situation, from your audience seat. Watch how the story came about, how the script is unfolding, how the actors are playing their part… the hero, the villain, the martyr, the mediator, the rescuer, the boss, the child… What role are you playing? What role is playing out opposite you?

LISTEN to the script, the words used. What is being said by your character in that scene? What are the words you are THINKING towards yourself, maybe uttering out loud.

How often do the words Should, You, You’re, But, Always, Never, and swearing occur?

CHALLENGE THEM! As soon as they pop in! eg “I’m so stupid. I always mess things up! I’ll never get over this” and so on….

Say I DISAGREE. (Out loud if necessary to break your spiral.)  to yourself!

Really? Stupid? Always? Never? 

Is that true? Seriously? Do you mean what your say? Do you actually believe them? Whose beliefs are they anyway? How long have they been there?

How does this self talk serve you? What need inside you does it meet? What if you could flip the old story? Are you ready to change it up? Breathe in and say these words to yourself…

IN THIS MOMENT I CAN ACCEPT ALL OF ME, EXACTLY AS I AM.

THE END. Watch all the actors return to a standing ovation! Who would you give an award to for playing the best role? What would YOU get an Oscar for?

Find out about your own Inner Critcs – take the quiz here CLICK HERE

Advice, Business

Consciously Choosing Life

Gabrielle

I believe we all have a genius to uncover, no one approach is right for every individual; that happiness is our birthright, as is our freedom to choose.

The paradox however is that by adulthood, most of us believe we are a victim of life, suppressed under a lamp shade, our innate uniqueness dulled down by the need to conform in order to belong and be accepted.

Resentment, Rejection, Regret culminate and flavor our perception with continued reinforcement in all aspects of our lives. By the middle years, we are questioning life more deeply, searching for truth, some meaning and purpose.

 We stand on top of the hill of lived experiences, where expectations and dreams from our youth are merely a distant memory or a depressing reminder of failure.  

We are confused and anxious as we consider our futures, knowing that the choices we make now will either create more of the same, or be a catalyst for re-igniting our deepest desires.

Some refer to this stage as the Midlife Crisis. There is a lot of research supporting we go through a ‘Happiness Dip. Our astrology and numerology, (ancient tools for guiding the human journey) would support this notion.  Finger Print Analysis confirms an instinctual truth, that our life is in our hands, and the road map has already been written. ”

 While we have our personal journeys to navigate, the outside continues to unravel our deepest held beliefs about the nature of the world, and the nature of being all things human. Science continues to open up new frontiers, creating a constant vibration of change that impacts us in so many ways.

What drives us then to make choices in any given moment, in any major decision that can change our whole trajectory and give potential for a new lived experience? 

How is the paradigm shift the world is living in changing the very way we think, make sense of our world, our lives, our relationships, our careers, our communities?

 What does human potential have left to draw upon, to make life meaningful, to live consciously, on purpose?

WHAT MOTIVATES YOUR CHOICES? To explore this more, of your VALUES here. Your next step is to book a clarity session, and you can explore further options, should this be of benefit to you… Self Awareness is a wonderful invitation to make conscious choices going forward!

Book a session with me.

Advice, Business

Flip the Inner Critic

Gabrielle

Which one will be your loudest voice?  Patty Perfectionist, Connie Controller, Tessie Taskmaster, Olga Under Miner, Dot Destroyer, Gertie Guilt Tripper, Molly Molder?

 Much as you try, you can’t ignore them with positive affirmations. You can’t convince them they are wrong. Best you can do is learn to manage them!

All humans live in an inner world of thought which means that at any moment you have the power to reboot your mind and think differently.  

*First you have to decide to have better conversations with yourself. Building a Support Team can be fun, and help you in the beginning.

 *Become the observer of the situation. This helps you to separate and listen to the Inner Critic voices.

*Create your Inner Support team. They can help you flip the thoughts before you get caught up. You can re-boot your train of thoughts.

*Appreciate what you can learn from the situation, it could always be worse!

*Have compassion for yourself. Life gets messy sometimes, and you’re learning how to live life.

Rather than trying to change the world in each moment, you can witness what you are doing to yourself with your own thoughts. 

Once you begin listening to your thinking, and declare that you want a healthier conversation, your inner dialogue will shift.

You might begin to notice people and situations changing too. As you

change so will your outer experience change.

Would you like some mentoring to get started? Book here to discuss the best plan for you.

 

WORKSHEET FOR FLIPPING THE INNER CRITIC

These characters might be fun friends for you when the Seven Inner Critics show up.

PattyPerfectionist                      →                Contented Cathie

Connie Controller                       →                Trusting Trudy

Tessie Taskmaster                    →                Satisfied Suzie

Dot Destroyer                             →                 Assertive Alice

Olga Under Miner                      →                  Proud Prue

Gertie Guilt Tripper                   →                  Courageous Cassie 

Molly Molder                             →                   Stand Out Stacey

Be the OBSERVER!   What might each of them say?

Patty

Cathie

Connie

Trudy

Tessie

Suzie

Dot

Alice

Olga

Prue

Gertie

Cassie

Molly

Stacey

CREATE A LIST OF REFLECTIONS….about your Inner Critic and the games she plays. For instance:

Does she attack and withdraw afterwards? Or stay attacking?

Does she shrink and withdraw? Become resentful and blame others?

When her self talk escalates, which is her best friend Inner Critic? Eg Does Olga join in the party when Patty gets things wrong?

Which Critic plays out the most in certain situations, or certain people?

Notice their words too:  Always, Never, Not, But, Should, Shouldn’t, Ought to, Have to, It’s Hopeless, No Point trying,

Are they Blaming, Justifying, Denying, Retaliating,

Are they feeling like the victim, or the persecutor or rescuing?

Is their behavior motivated by resentment, rejection or regret?

 

REMEMBER: Your Inner Critic is here to PROTECT YOU.

Her reactions are based on someone else’s point of view, which you learnt from a young age. They may be from your own distorted beliefs based on your experiences.

The good news is you can CHANGE THEM! 

You can RE-PROGRAM your beliefs, make sense of things from a different point of view, create new habits of thinking, and choose a more conscious reaction to life around you.

Would you like some mentoring to get started? Book here to discuss the best plan for you.

Download Worksheet Here
Advice

7 ways to go from Crappy to Happy (even Bobby McFarrin would approve)

Gabrielle

DON'T WORRY BE HAPPY

It may be just a little song someone wrote, but it is the most sought after human desire would you agree? As social beings we need connection to find meaning on our journey through life, in our quest for happiness.

Here are some things you can do to raise our vibration.

Express Your Heart:

Find a real human and talk face to face, about your feelings, about you. (not politics, sport, external things)
Ask how they are doing before you share all of yours.

Practise active responsive listening.  It’s a great way to develop deeper relationships. After that you may find it easier to express your feelings.

Practise Acts of Kindness:

This is one of the biggest secrets to happiness. Small acts of kindness can do wonders eg call a relative who lives alone, wave or smile at a neighbour, express gratitude, more than a quick thanks.

Keep Moving:

Regular exercise has a powerful effect on mood, generating natural happy endomorphins. Find something that suits you and get in the happy habit.

Find Your Flow:

Find something creative that you love doing, that you have some skill in, and that is a little challenging. The challenge and skill should be a good fit. When you are in flow state, what you are doing has your total timeless focus. Gardening, sports, playing an instrument, writing, painting, hiking…

Find Gratitude:

It’s easy when things are going well to feel grateful, but when it’s been a bad day, what can we do? Take a bird’s view of the day or situation, notice all the good things. Make a list every day of gratitude for the smallest things. What you might take for granted is a true luxury or gift.

Do Forgiveness:

At the end of the day, try the three types of forgiveness before you sleep. Forgive anyone for the pain they caused you. Ask for forgiveness for what you have caused known or unknown. Then forgive yourself, reassuring your Inner Self you were doing your best under the circumstances.

Sing Don’t Worry Be Happy:….or anything else that makes you smile.

Find out about your own Inner Critcs – take the quiz here CLICK HERE